Haizzz initially, I thought I could go on leave today, but my boss smsed me..... nvm, its $24 more $.$ hahah

Just out from NTU's open house. Nothing very intersting....... But managed to get bit of information. Chinese & sociology, I am deciding between the 2 of them.....

Anyway, Ytd's was really a fun& blessed day for me. Though its quite sddening to hear that tusnami hit Japan.......

Booked my air tickets to Shantou via the net, first time in my life haha. Flying by jetstar cause there's no any other airway to that place. Many said that my air ticket's freaking ex......Anyway, then rushed down to SA tours to get my hotels & itinery fixed. Yeah, 4 star hotel throughout the stay at shantou hahah :) I'll be away & uncontactable from 21st to 26th March ............ lalala I'll come back as a true blue teochew hahas

After that did abit of shopping with mum & yah as usual she bought stuffs........ Then rushed down for work. ( nothing special)

But at nite when I reached home, I was rather surprise to find a crumpler, a camera cupboard & a new DSLR 70D, I was like OMG, hahahah such a nice day of surprises :)

The week would be a busy one :) & lastly may the light of dharma & blessings of buddah be with the victims of japan's tusnami. haizzz, natual disasters are horrible......

I just read Jeremy's tumbler....

Humans have insaistable needs & wants, because we are inately greedy, we wanna grab everything we want. We have the urge to get wadever we can. That's wad pushes/causes/forces us to make actions or decisions which are either life changing or geographically impactful.

It is through these insastible needs & wants that humans develope wad we called dreams, aspirartions, goals and wishes, which are basically are a mixture of mentality that serves to guide us along towards certain pathway in our life( as a human being). And, this is also a point that differnetiates us from animals, we have something in mind( other than hunting for food, finding a secure living place and reproducing to ensure that our family line is passed down) to accomplish.

I'll continue this post, cause I dunno how to continue it at this point. hahah

To those who are reading this blog, pls tag at the side.

I went for my first psycotherapy session ytd at NUH, it didnt turn out like a counselling session (as I have expected), it ended up making felt abit like an experimental bait. Sitting down there being bombared with questions & they are tough, mostly comprising of "WHY?".

The whole conversation revolves around 2 topics- 1 person & 1 issue.I was rather pleased with it. though I felt that my privacy had been intruded, at least they forced me to clear my thoughts, for the cause of my condition & my treatment will follow up.

Casting that episode aside, I was again pleased that I could choose between sociology and chinese now, instead of chinese only. I was thinking about major in sociolgy and minor in chinese language translation. Afterall I did thought about being a translator before :). I just hope that I get into uni, and that's it. I dun need a scholarship. I just wanna be a happy person with enough to get a house, a condo & have a family, lead a healthy and happy life till the end. That's all I want. It's simple, yet it's simple things that are tough.

I read jude's blog justnow. felt abit emotional lol. Although life's in our control, but it is not up to us to control the outcome. It is us who nagvigate our directions, but it is not us who chooses the outcome. Luck still plays quite a big portion in our life. I wanna consider myself as bad luck in exams, but probably I am not really that bad afterall. Just that, I had been played around by fate.

I cant really let go of the facts yet, but at least I made my decisions le. I need time to let go. Cause, I don't know how.

天意弄人

Thank you to those who talked to me these few days. I am feeling vexed, but I hope time eases things. Thats the last thing I could hope for.

It's a pleasant surprise. Thank you.

虽然是决定了,但难免掩饰不了心中无耐,忧郁的心情. 担心是少不了的, 迟疑就免了吧.毕竟这似乎是唯一的选择了. 希望一切安好.

WOke up today, trying to convience myself that everything was just a dream. But, the reailty is, YESTERDAY HAPPENED. My aspirations are down the drain.

Had lunch and movie with Mr Ching, Julian and ee hong thankyou for being there to occupy my thoughts. Watched 大世界, movie was somewad ok, I only like the ending part.

Sort of made up my mind, I'll try chinese in NTU. If possible under scholarship with NIE?? HAHA I might be dreaming. I know that, I might sound as though I am making this decision out of sheer desperate.But, at least, on a second thought, chinese had been something closer to my heart than any other things ( other than bussiness or accountancy). So perhaps, it's heaven's will for me to move towards that direction.

尘埃落定.

Sometimes I wondered, how much harder must I try, then I would get it. Am I destineed to be 不是读书的料？ CC CCB AB this is my A level grades, it does reflect my level of work&effort isnt it?? lol, wad a joke. Suffering so much for straight Cs...... nice one. hahaha

Wad a nice ending to everything/ 2 years.

I hold back my tears, for once, I felt that I was strong, haha, but I need fresh air away from others.

Hi kc, I doubt u r reading this, but still congrats. U have the option& choses to make, while I hang on to the miserable truths.

U r blessed, and I am not. Thats wad I would like to say.

Take it as a stepping stone, life's not about grades, Muahahah, I lead a life in singapore, if its nt about grades, wad's it about? Someone, pls, use another angle to measure life beyond grades. I still see them connecting together.

I doubt I could survive on an ITE cert, which my dad lived on, earning enough to purchase propertie"S" & I stress the "S" , feed the other 3 mouths at home, at the very end have savings enough to bring me through uni(without a loan) and yes probably not that much but still enough for retirement.( bearing in mind not a single cent was from his parents)

I wished that I could be a kampung kid now, with a piece of land, some $$ no need that much, in malaysia, that allows me to farm, eat my own produce and thats it. Away from the bustle and hussle. But these are just dreams and probably a pipe one.

At least, I won't have to lost a close friend, get hooked on to medication, have sleepless nites and at the very end lost everything that seem so important from the start - GRADES .

I lost too much in these 2 years. I would have ignored the grades if I knew this was THE END

I feeling quite disturbed that, time passes so freaking fast that I am already 3 months passed 2011, that I am right into the eve of A level release and that I have to face wadever nonsence grade I have produced 4 months back..............

I doubt I will hold on to the fact that as the clock ticks by, I'll have to spend more effort to calm myself, get myself into the relaxed mode, such that I will remain normal.

I do hope that by choosing to work tonite is a good option to occupy my brains with some sweet stuffs, such that I can cast the utter disgusting fact of judgement day aside and probably have a final good nite rest ( before the awakening judement day that will knock some sense into me, that I have to face the reality)

I wish that it will be a fine day tmr, and that I wont recieve something disappointing ever again!!!

Finally, to 09s02, may tmr be a pleasant one for you, but if it turns out slightly sour, take it in stride, for it's not the alphabets that determines us.

it's final, 4th march 2011, A level candidates can report to their respective institution to collect their GCE A level results after 2.30 PM.............

Hmm, 3 more hours & I'll be at Conrad, working ......... But I am rather glad recently, cause I get to run the ballroom & functions le :) yeah, finally, I am doing things beyound waffles & ice cream haha :)

Anyways, haizzz, it also means that it's less than 1 week, 5 days to be specific, to the results release........... Feeling quite nostalgic about it.....

Had an awesome day out with Ee hong, Jasper, Julian, Cindy, Hazel today :) But I think I'll elaborate about it in the later part of my post tonite.

For now I would like to ventilate a bit, I am also sarting to have jitters over my results next friday liao. though it's not official, but the rumour seems to have transfromed into a fact that " NEXT FRIDAY 4TH MARCH 2011 WILL BE JUDEGEMNET DAY IN WHICH, A LEVEL RESULTS IS RELEASED" Though the timing is yet to be confirmed ( revealed by the relavant authorities via the singapore one & only media company MEDIACORP lol) but yup, I like all normal kids out there stay firmed to affirming this rumour as a fact.

& here I am worrying about the day, will I be in tears of despair (again) ? Wad if I fail my GP? wad if I can't chose my path again? What if I fail ( or rather, get straight Ds ??) ? & there's one more question now, WILL I HYPERVENTILATE? ( I am like touchwood) Everyone hopes that our phone will ring after 9am on 4th march to congratulate us, but the number of calls that would eventually be made has already been fixed. Mandate of heaven has been fixed, awaiting to be delivered at the scared moment to each indiviual............. Haizzzzzzzzzz

Anyway back to reality, had a great time at jurong point today with above mentioned people, they have made my day or leave worthwhile :) Had ala cart buffet at Zhou's kitchen, hmmm food was ok ba, service quite hayo, Played monopoly deal at kopitiam. Movie was I am number 4. Dinner was fish & chips. Had an awesome chat with both hazel & ee hong :)

Life's unpredictable, we are bestowed with the ability to choose but this does not translate into guranteed entittlement or ownership. This is reality, this is life........

Went out to shop & dinner with Jasper only cause no one can make it................. Initially only plan to recomb Bugis, but ended up outside Pan pacific, passed by Conrad, entered Suntec, visit Amanda at Croc's sale ( which smell rubbery), shopped at Suntec............. At the end of the trip, jasper had 3 bermuda's, 2 long pants & made a new membership while I was the proud owner of a new shirt at a dirt cheap price hahah

Had tea at dunno wad, ate brownies, dinner was 南翔小笼包............................

Hmmm, heard stories of NS, it's like s**t seriously ( I am not revealing any secrets, so M.NDEF dun sue me hahaha) 60 ppl to 1 or 8 toilets depending on yr luck. It's like WTH. Hmmm, jeremy say I will die inside & I sorta agreeeee lol

Job is getting more & more boring, ttm .............................. My life is surrounded with sweet stuffs like macroons, cheesecakes& financer which are dam boring to make. Y not let me made cheese sticks or bread more often, or maybe strawberry with chocolate coating

Has been wondering if , things have worsen, nites are getting longer & worst................... The question remains, whether its a good idea to see a psychologist only after I recieve my A's....... I thought, I should see him or her first, for perhaps they could prepare me physically, mentally & emotionally. Haizzz but how do I change the schedule??

Hmmm, leave after valentine's day seems great, afterall, my v day nite was irritated by some idiots again............. But , o well, at least there's cakes & things to keep me company :) Roses for me to play with hahah.

Today's leave was sort of the very much well recieved by me, though I am so freaking free that I dunno wad to do now :)

U sensed the message & I am pretty glad that you did. Its a good end, thank you, good bye :) No doubt you will survive, but still all the best

Its been a month since my last post, has been busy catching up. Literally met everyone that I am keen in meeting & catching up & gossping with. Did lots of shopping at Bugis, orchard, suntec......... Astons, etc..........

It's also been a month since I started work at conrad, everyone is awesome, except non other than SP. The chefs are nice to offer me food :), the cooks+waiters are good company( the jokes, the fun is memorable) & my big teochew sister which speaks to me in only teochew, turning the kitchen into teochew restuarant kitchen hahaha............... Pay is ok, with CPF contributions :) ( SP usually ruin my day so I shall not comment much about it)

Had a pretty bad throat infection, with white dots in my throat, seen a freaking ex specialist at Mt Elizebeth hospital................. Tried antibiotics that was once considered allergicccc........ Decided to heed the advice of continuing my medication & see a psychologist now :) hope it will get better( though I doubt it will get any better soon but still yah).............

3 more mths to NS, everyone felt that I should start working out hahah....... Tekong seems like hmmmm, unfriendly still. Nvm, will unfold that mysterious look it gives soon........

1 more mth to results, hmmm I would say I am starting to have jitters? hahah Planned to have 3 consequtive days of leave upon recieving the results release date, afterall I don't know how it will turn out & how I will react ( though I sort of the prepared for the worst)

CNY, had a great time this year, visits to relatives house was reduced significantly & I am quite glad with that. & Instead, visits to friends house really made my day :) Had my first experience of being 庄稼or 财神 at jasper's house ( playing 21 dots, which I lost quite abit of $$$$). Played Wii at Julian's house........... Thank you everyone for the fun & company :)

As usual, temple trips were included in this yr's new year itinary. Such trip usually gives me hint on things, but this yr the hints seems to go haywired, caused there's chaos in the temple....... lols, my wishes are simple, hope they come true. I emphasise on certain things more than those more important ones, wrong priorities but certain things does meant alot to me. Especially after a hard year.

I should hve answered, replied or rather contact you, but I choose not. There's certain things that I should try to erase & let go of some past, till than peace will return............. Avoiding is not an option, but I hope the message has been sent.

On a lighter niote, there's still tonnes of cny goodies, totally & I stress TOTALLY untoched at home........... perhaps this is one of the perils of working in a pastry department hahah, pastries, cakes & all things sweet, looses their luster and appeal to me..................

在此祝愿各界万事胜心皆如意,百德吉祥皆可达,身心安康,福慧増长,六时吉祥,步步高升

I think I am beginig to adapt & enjoy my job le. X.X Though the fact that the morning & afternoon shift are gonna change irks me beyond believe................. Cause, I enjoy being with the nite shift people more than the morning ones ( thats definate & for sure).

Waffles, crepes, brownies, sufflce, ice cream, eeeww , may sound nice, but yucks, I am sick of them especially to waffles. standing at the waffle station making waffles(EVERYDAY), scooping ice cream is turning me off towards such delicaies........... Cakes, mouse, pies, tarts( bearing in mind that some are even plated with edible gold or silver foil) simply turns me off nowadays. Cheesecakes,macroons & strawberries used to be my weakest point. Nowadays I seem so used to their presence, and probably tired of eating them & throwing them into the dustbin that I stopped being so fatancised by them. & on top of that, the evil karma I attained thanks to pouring them away (DAILY)......................... Even lemon tea, seems so common recently, considering the fact that I can use the lemon flesh to make lemonade ( cause if I dun use it, they will throw) or simply exit the pastry kitchen & head for the canteen for free unlimited lemon tea...............

But I managed to learn a new term today the word chocolates could actually be replaced by the word praline hahahah, next time I will eat praline & not chocolates, sounds contradictory rite lols

k, got my pay today.............. :) It's like finally hahaha............. Went shopping at suntec, brought a shirt X.X hahaha

2011, guess this year might be better..........................

Spent the eve of 2011 at Conrad contential Hotel, working as pastry chef...... lols...... It was a unforgetful nite, with good food ( can't risk saying anything, but jasper u definately missed out quite a tonne of good stuff) after the end of food, was a feast for my eyes, at the 4th level of conrad, watched fireworks........... Lovely wad a nice start to the brand new year...............

Had leave today, went out with ee hong, julian & cindy, fun :) ate I forgot wad le, but the company was simply good :) Played monopoly dunno wad, was simply fun & enjoyable. Thank you guys :) for making my day :)

My pay haven't reach me yet !!!!! :( They better pay me or else O$P$ lols jkjk

Time to start my new year shopping hahas :)