For the pass week - I got my new specs, got a new crystal bear ornament that I have always wanted, though its complimentary for SK jewllery & not from swaroviski, but I am still happy that I finally got a pair of crystal bears :) hahah they are so so so cute& lovely the boy wore a black hat & the girl got this pink flower so so so nice :) these are probably those little things I should be happy about. lols

Hmm, 1 week passsed, & yup, saw doctor, got some supplements that's suppose to help me concentrate better. But, I realised my condition got worst ( after or probably during a stupid math test). I was simply so anxiety ridden that I "pak" hit my pen agaisnt the table producing this utterly loud noise, that I didnt even know why. X= Got scolded by thelma, cause I am runing away from my anxitey by not telling the doctor the full picture X=

Read Julian's blog, felt one thing in common. Friends- We should/ can give in to traits of indiviuals, afterall, friends ought to be able to give in at times & accomodate or probably appreciate the differences of the opposite. But, at times, when we know too much of the "darker side " of others, we start to be wary, cause I experienced that. & probably people didnt notice that changed me quite alot.

less than 100 days to A levels le. I also wan to be somebody but 可以吗? I wanted it quite badly . haizzzz

在这世上有很多事都不是在自己的掌控当中，我不能说我进力了。但是，我也很难说自己没去尝试争取，毕竟天不从人愿。我也很想去过以前那种觉逍遥快活的日子。

I should be writing my 3 paragraphs of CCA/ CIP achievements now de, but , aya who cares la. Its another selling point hahah.

I'll write 1 on CCA, 1 on Xperience pharmacy camp, 1 on my peer tutoring experience both internal & external de.

Now thinking back, my J1 life isnt that bad bah, though 50% of it was wasted on slogging through mugging. At least I enjoyed the interview trips, the camps & the taiwan trip. PW wasnt as bad now, its like a learning experence, those days, I sort of missed them. I am someone that reminises, at some point of life, things that we consider bad or tedious in the past wasn't that bad afterall. Its the experience bah.

But, mood swings are getting more & more eeeeeee le. I can be happy for awhile & suddenly sad later, like today during chem, I was emo ttm !!! & I realise that anti depressants could make me sucidal X= (for the first 2 wks before it takes effects) :( I dun wan to eat that.

Recently found 笨小孩 sung by 劉德華. The lyrics quite nice & interesting de hahah......

Every man is his own island........ now I understand wad this meant le................

k, I should be mugging now, but I really don't feel like. I am pretty tired today, after the brief chat with the 2 china teachers. I still wondered if I have asked the wrong questions haha.

Hmm, just a quick update on my situation, mood swings r getting more & more frequent. I just had one, thanks to stupic spectacles shop that didnt polish my lens side, I was freaking annoyed by the fact that, they didnt do that........... I should have brought the other more ex de.... it look much nicer on me X=

& I am recommended to go on medication to control my condition, cause its just getting into my life. So I was referraled once again to another doctor..... zzzz on saturday. I really dun feel like de, having medication de.

hiazzz, like wad I told Chih Kiat, I felt quite screwed, my eye sight is 1000 degree le & my condition made things worst......

haizzzz

thats out it.

Got back everything today....................... The last paper started like that ..............

" Your Class .................. worst ................ " I was like -.- , then "30% pass" me & ee hong was like huh 8 only ar..... zzzzzzz.....

Got back paper1, I was like ok, paper 3 I was ok, paper 2, wah shocked completely...... The first thing that strike my mind was - " Did I study?" ....... It is quite hard to believe that you studied when u got 33.5/100. It sort of blew me off & anxiety kicked in. I started ............... but I was really really scared to breath hard & scared that I would collapse, cause I turned numb, & I really dun wan to let the class feel anything ( especially when the atmosphere is pretty sadddd), so I decided to take o.25 of the medicine & just went out of class for air ( with a signal to mr wong). & the way he gave out the papers, use throw de, I am abit pissed also X=

Ee Hong came along, really appreciated that. :)

Its quite hmmm, sad bah. Somehow, I felt that the class did put in some effort to study for the bio, just that probably hmmm.

命中有时终须有, 命中无时默强求

haizzzz, I cant help to sigh la........ This anxiety is really disrupting my life, even during exams......

Today, might have been a wasted trip, but at least I realised that there's nothing that I can do to recover, I can only try to combat it. It has been part & parcel le.

The energy to continue 。。。。。。

Read the papers, everything sound quite similar to what I experienced.... but the ending was different, probably I was saved in time.

---------------------------------------

I have probably done some immense harm to you, but I also recieved quite a fair share of that. I thought probably, it was more suitable if I leave u alone. I don't know if I look selfish, but I really don't know what to do.

该是时候分道扬镳了。
你走你的阳光道，
我过我的独木桥。
可能这是一个自私的句点，
但似乎这样比较好吧。

haizzz, life after exams are quite boring de lols. lalalala, tmr is a waste of time, y not just let us have GP & chem, I think they delibrately put the alumni thingy in between de, or else I would have signed out !!!! lols

多愁善感, 烟消云散,

早知今日,何必当初,

路到尽头,努力不懈,

一丝曙光,缺处逢生.

Life is like math,

if we are destined to meet, we'll intersect at one point or the other

if we are meant to gather, we'll be tangent somehow or rather

if we are not fated to meet, we'll be 2 parallel lines that never cross path

This is life.......................

feeling rather emoish now. I don't want any regrets of not trying to get what I want, but experience seems to tell that I am not that teabag for that cup of tea. Just like that paper justnow, its not as if I dont know how to do, cause even my memory is failing me... Understadn understand, thats what I always heard teacjers saying. But understanding alone, without commiting to memory kills. Its like you know how to do, but you forget.

Really dont want 6 Es appearing infront of me, but GP is sure at most a E, CSE , E , chem is already half dead, math is like haizzz........

I wonder why my life is only about grades, but for now or at least the next 3 months , it should only be about grades and nothing else bah. I really dun wan E & S for GP & CSE, it is really 2 things that will break me, cause I have absolutely no confident in them at all....

okays, I am freaking worried before this stupid math paper 2 & I was rite, something will be wrong.... I was so so so anxiety ridden during that paper la!!!

When I started the MI I was like, hmmm not bad, I managed to finish it within 6 minutes leh :). But come 2nd & 3rd question, I was totally wiped off the table. I was so so pek cek when I reached 4th question, leaving Q2 & Q3 part ii) blank, that I was abit gasping for breath (luckily I calm myself down abit), & I crushed the paper quite loud. lol & the pure math section, I was like why I didnt see a single normal approx & normal & the supposedly normal question turned out to be answered in an unnormal way, making me so freaking afraid that what I was writing was all wrong. zzzzzzz

K, nvm, there's some quite irritating things happening throughout the paper also, the guy on my right, actually finished what he could within like 2hours & slept for 1 whole hour, I was like WTH , am I that dumb, how I wish I could sleep also, while the girl on the left kept sighing & sighing non stop for the last hour zzzzzz . & there's one "fucker" guy behind this "left girl" that kept saying fuck rite from the start of the paper, I was like, wow, what a memorable exam experience I had......


haizzzzz its such a bad paper......