Haizzzzz, if only I didnt waste 1 hour on 1 essay, I could hab at least any how finish the 2nd essay. & question 1c , was haizzzz disappointed again :( I sort of spotted the question but still surprise to see question 2 to be repeated.

Today's experience tells 2 things, it is literally impossible to craft a whole new essay wwithin 45 mins, bit diffcult la. So memory is really important bah X=

haizzz :(

1.6 days of CSE only let me complete like theme 4, I am still left with theme 3 , dunno how to finish it. Wo si le :( lols. But , oddly, I dun feel v stress leh, just abit bpressed for time & totally drained. china china china eeeu. lols

k, I went hospital for my first visit today.....................

hmmmm....... He did a totally check on my situation.... my relationship etc... hayos. The doctor is from India haha ( he got a very very freaking thick accent leh !!!( Make me so xin ku to listen to him.) lol. His name very cute also - surej babykutty john.

Is bit ex la, I went in like for 30 mins, & they charged me $30....... Got medication for emergency, er not advised to be taken under normal conditions, cause it makes me dumb or rather my brain will function slower. So that I dun think too much & it will then lighten my hyperventilation.

Got 2 conclusions from this visit. Study might not be my cup of tea, I forced things on myself, hence, when things r going downwards, my learning process worsens & the vicious cycle continue. Next, as usual, I was adviced to go out with friends more often, I am like huh, now so busy how? nvm, breathing therapy lessons in 3 weeks time at NUH...... hmmmmm k bah.

2nd conclusion is - NUH only got forgein doctor & that place is big haha.

K, bah anxiety disorder - is common ( I doubt, though I know that our school also have ppl sufering from this, but my disorder is more serious bah) thats about it.

I am wasting time liao hahah

Kays, went NS checkup at depot road today, freaking far & long..... The medical checkup is like 2.5 hrs, the vocational assesment took me 3 hrs...... (not very fun, I was like, can it be done asap.) Basically is all physics & math & I think I failed the math dam badly, caused before I even finish half of the math session, time out.....

Brought my referral letters along with me, saved me the trouble of talking what happen. & I am now PES D for 3 freaking months....... & I will need to go for review like during prelims....... haizzzz

Say Kendric today also, he went for review. & By 3mths later my memo would have reached CMPB also le...... Hope I can get the PES I want. X=

& I wanna complain, how can they freaking draw blood from me like that de, poke the neddle in & dun draw, wait wait wait talk talk talk then start drawing slowly ZZZZZZZ Dam pain la!!!! Then worst still, After he pull out the neddle, he didnt even press my wound zzzzz....

NVM, at least they didnt manage to take a 2nd sample for my potassium, I was like thank goodness..... lols

I got my NUH appointment letter today also le...... so werid still got doctor name on it. I remeber my mum's letter dun hab de. X=

Youtube :)

k, its like a week + since my last post le.

我终于忍不住了。。。。。。。。

I went to see mrs low again like on wednesday, though I still dunno how to tell her wad happen XD She was patient enough. & she say that if there's one thing good, I am willing to seek help :) But the trip also reconfirmed one thing, if I dun make the turn, IMH there I go. :( I dun wan >.<

So eventually, that nite, I smsed her what happened, that whole chunk of story, she was surprised also. lol, yet she's quite calm, replying that there's no harm seeing a specialist.

Though she wasnt very positive, cause yah. She say that if I felt stress before any paper, I can just sms her & visit her an hour before the paper & she would free up the room, lol. & dun mingle with any gang & continue fliping notes.....

& today, went to see tcm, cause tution was cancelled ( thank goodness). Got green green colour pills thats suppose to help me sleep 0.0 hahah.

My mood is lighter le, but things doesnt change overnite. "What is happiness" question which Sirage posted for us, guess I knew why I was so confident with that question back then le. For, that was the start of problem.

快乐才是成功

你和我的距离似乎越飘越远了，可能是时候让风筝的线断了吧。

friends are very important in life
they make up a huge portion of your life

for some, they are like guests
coming and leaving after a brief visit

for some, they are like vermin
coming and sucking everything from you

for some, they are like wine
good and getting better the longer you know them

i hope one day, when i need a friend,
all of you will be there for me

Liked this :) posted by hazel

诚信

相信别人,相信自己, 如果我能选择,我不会和任何人说这三个月来的苦.
但我真的憋不住了.

Its a kind of human mentality, we dont want people close to us to know what happen, fearing that, by revealing pieces of past, the image of us would change. For intsance, that sight of him entering that room, also took me by a shock, afterall he look bit hmmm ( always come & kao pek me only). Huamns, have our own secrets, which we don't want to reveal to others. Just like, I would rather pay to tell strangers how I felt, nowadays, than to tell people around how I felt.

我好,你也好.就当一切没发生过.

I learnt something (lol), the worst thing to tell people is " its ok de, dun worry" cause, the inate nature of humans tells us that, such words are just lies, we humans created to calm ourselves down & they do nothing but to conseal the utter truth from us for awhile & sooner or later we'll still, sadly, have to face the cruel facts.... If people want to cry, let them cry, but after awhile, we ought to stop them, if not ........ but teras needs to flow, it is a way, that stress could be "thrown away" .

人活在当下

No matter how long, tedious the path is, if we persist on, there would be an end.

Can I dont study???? I really hate that stupid feel of I dont have time, I keep telling myself time & again, you have time. But when I revised, I really is speechlesss.... there's tonnes of things to do. I don't wannna do Miss Aw's papers, X= Not a single one, or at least not 3 schools ( top somemore). It's bit stressful, when I dont have time to get my basics right. But I fear, I fear that, I would fail if I dont do them. Idoit feelings rite? 7 it would be worst, if Ms Aw asked me, did u do the papers & I failed. I would haizzz, nvm bah.... we see how.

Just read julian's post, it sets me thinking, does counsellor work? lols, it doesnt seem very much for my stuborn character bah X= lols. haha