Perhaps its like first time in 4 years time that I am feeling so insecure & hopeless for an exam. It can be demoralising to hear words like nvm..(I simply don't know how to put it across). A tiring day. I might breakdown again. I hope I don't. If I have a wish to be granted this year, I just hope I can pass promos and get promoted. I am willing to exchange it with anything. It is seriously too stressful this year, that I don't want to have to repeat things again. The ups and downs, I have enough of them. If only I could sleep forever, perhaps things might come to an end.

拿得起，就真的要放得下，吗？

It has been a rather (productive, non productive,I have no idea ) weekend. Promos in 7 days time. Yet I have not started C.S.E & GP. Two very important H1 subjects in order to get promoted. Guess I would have to save some last minutes for them this time round. I no longer have the luxury of time, I used to have.

Bio & chem is like half or can I say half done. I hope history in maths will not repeat itself, it can be rather demoralising and disheartening at times to see yourself being trapped in that vicious ABC cycle, with the C appearing at the wrong timing......

With just 7 to 9 days left, I am just afraid that I cannot finish bio& chem in time.Afterall theres roughly about 10 + chapters more. Attention span and level of concentration has been droping like no one's bussiness.

I have a wish for this promo. But I just wonder if it is just part of my day dreams.I wanna regain the confidence I used to have, the faith I used to behold.Perhaps Mrs Lim was right that jc is not very suitable for me, but if you never try, you never know. It is just a prediction.

May the merits of triple gems support me through this ordeal. sadu sadu.

是你的，终究会是你的。不是你的，终究不会是你的。担心再多，也与事无补。但可能就这一次，听天由命，行不通吧。

The bitter ones are the most ill-content, even if they seem to have everything going for them. Hard work isn't bad, but do it for the right reasons. Be healthy, and keep yourself as the gleaming beauty that you are.

Having fun isn't a bad thing-if anything, being too serious can be the bigger problem-but becoming too attached to certain things can make you forget how to find joy and pleasure without them. If you can't be happy on your own, how can you be happy at all?

真正的快乐.我已经很久没尝到了.我何常,不想自在逍遥.

Apparently, I have been quite dumb and careless with my choice of words recently, be it in class or outside class, which has created some trouble in terms of me relating to people.

Monday, tuesday & wednesday this week had been quite hellish for me. Being quite volatile at nite.

I doubt I would be attending my nephew's wed this sunday. Is like so werid to have a nephew thats so freaking grown up.Btw I dont even know that is he existed(sounds so bad but thats how many relatives I have. Anyway, that means one wedding less to attend. Year end my cousin is marrying, that one I will go :) looking forward to it, provided I pass by this term safely and pass on to the next stage, or else theres no reason for me to be there also.

Tomorrow onwards. Is bio le. Even mdm Song was shocked to hear that I have not started bio revision. Today just let it be le. I hope I can finish I & R tonite. Should drink more chlorella powder, I feel better with that.

CSE is like beyond words for me. Even though theres clues, but but nvm.

为何我总爱在对的时候，做错的事？

my apologies.

Shouldnt be here right now. But theres just too much things to do, papers to read, tutorials to complete, that I don't really know what on earth should I be doing now. Maybe i should just pick topics, like what I intend to do for GP.CSE, erm lets see how. Hope that we will get some clues like for MY.

One week pass quite fast huh....... Mum & dad's back from melacca with lots of food. The pineapple tarts tatses heavenly, just like those from taiwan. they got more than what i thought. And they actually went to Aeon tebaru, without buying kueh lapis or secret recipe for me!!!!!!!!! Anyway heard that it was quite fun. What a pity I can't tag along. If I did I would dunno be how dead now.

I need some directions. Someone out that please drop some hints for me what should I focus on? bio? chem? maths? gp? cse? or hw?

Tmr start school le. I am not looking forward to it. but second thoughts 20+ days & everything will be over. I can close shop for this year le.

千处祈求,千处现. 苦海,仓作渡人舟

Pathetic, I am just not in the right mode. Arenes looks easy, finally I dare to touch this chpt le. Its freaking long!!!!!!!! My attention span is dam short, 15 mins to 0.5 hrs, thats what I can.Half aa day pass by without even one chapter completed.

I am starting to have some signs of insomia. I can like dun sleep at nite, but I am dam tired. Not that I dont want to sleep, is just that when I close my eyes, I dont sleep but think so much instead. I hate it when the time reaches 6+ in the morning, is the time when my dad, wakes up, and I seems to be in that semi awake mode, then I will start to dream............

& worst thing is that when I am alone, either I am not focusing or thinking about stupid things or worrying about things.............................

18 more days to promos. On second thoughts, its a freaking short period of time. Yet nothing much productive has been done. People are like mugging until, theres no tommorrow le, yet I am still daydreaming................Let's see if I can pass on to the next. I did celebrate if I could.

Hope I can complete arenes and the HW miss Aw gave today.......................

阴沟里的一闪曙光.
脑海里的诸多担忧.

无智意无德,
以无所得故

090909 , nice date. Tired day. Promos, everyone is crazy over it. Life did be better if theres no such thing in existence.

I did feel better at nite, at least not that guilty over the job undone, the books untouched.

& probably this year might have been more enjoyable than now. slogging through everyday, hopping that things will come to an end.

Its like holiday now. Finally, when next term starts, things will roll as though there's no tommorow.

Just hope that I wont do stupid things or rather I don't have the chance to do stupid things like what I did at the start of the year.

Simply not in any mood to mug.

法渡迷情

Sometimes I just wondered how dumb can I be. I hoped I have really get myself into sense & start working. So that I dont have to breakdown, once more. Once is enough. History doesn't have to repeat itself. It was a painful fall. Till now it is still etched in my mind. That faithful day, when I just literatelly teared..............................................