Breathe.......... Breathe................ & Breathe...................

I don't know why I was so volatile today. Probably, I was really mad that you kept daoing me.Where should I start typing from? I am blurred confused by thoughts & that chunk of emotions that stirred in my mind, was driving me (to a certain extend) crazy.


Right......... I think I would start here. Probably, the word of trust, the feeling of friendship was broken, after my stupid words. I have this feeling that, the link was broken since. & that, undeniably was my fault. However, I did like to argue back that there are factors which I simply can't accept.


There are some of your actions that I could tolerate, because I know either it has been tough on you or I was at fault. However there are some, which sometimes amazed me.


Friends - is about giving in to one's flaws/diffculties, accepting each other's differences, adapting to one's uniqueness, showing the due concern at appropriate time & probably correcting ________ . I have been adopting this stance since sec4. I know I dun show enough concern but that doesnt meant I dont bother either. But somehow or rather, my inappropriate usage of language protrait my views & actions in a wrong or negative manner.


Why do I always call you to go converstate to your class or les. The reason is simple, I find that I am hurting you too much.& you seems to enjoy their company better than mine. But, it seems like I am running away from my problems. It looks as though I want to ignore you. But why would I? When there's like pratically no one left for me to dwell deep into my thoughts?

Your sms of "DUN WAN tutition" came somewhere during GP. & coincidentally, we were assigned with this question " What is Happiness". Guess it came at a right time. It's about time, I ponder & reconsider the defination of happy.


That sms,on bus, was partially out of anger & partially out of my fear. I really really was anticipating tutition today, but somehow my life was twisted by fate. It turn out sour. I was afraid that it turned out like this.


It was something that I predict would happen today, I had been trying to prevent it. But somehow, it happened. I had let this part of life slipped of my hands, simply because I greased my hands.

Harm is done, but still sorry. sorry for creating so much emoness & stress for you for the past few months. Probably, you would agree that I should let my hands off & fill in the blank - The _ _ _ . Haizzz

This post was not meant to be filled with any agenda.

人没有永远的朋友，也没有永远的敌人

Phewwwww................ Its finally an end to this horribly long & tedious week. Lots of things. tests & quizzes. Think chemistry, compared with the others, was abit of the badly done.

Up next, bio test, chem quiz (again, but this is life), lots of homework. Need to settle down soon, & start mugging. But I am afraid that I might just burnt out easily this year. There's this stupid idea when i see kairos student. (It's abit bad of me but ) I have this stupid stupid idea whenever I dun understand some stuffs, that is - I might become one of them after common test, hahah.

Then there is another thing that will give me this "join kairos feeling" - CHINA STUDIES, there is this very stupid feeling that I will just fail it for a simple reason - I feel super ultra insecure.

I was abit annoyed today during CSE, especially by the fact that after 1 year I still don't know how to write topic sentences !!!!!!!! I was freaking irritated, if not I would not have been so sarcastic to "myself" telling him off that " I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ECONS!" - so should I join Kairos for econs? dumb rite? having such stupid thoughts - only after you have gone through a freaking hellish PROMO period. lols

Maths - is getting more & more boring......... & i dun really like vector, or haha vector teacher.
Chemistry - I am feeling more & more lost .........
GP - is fun, i always enjoyed it, even though I hate + fear seeing it during exams
Bio - I love mendalian , he is really a genius hahah

K, up next is my cousin's wedding :) Shark's fin & yam paste. yeah !!! my all time favourites. & Just being random, in order to prepare for the upcoming battle year end, I am going to nag my mum to buy more & extra more pineapple tarts this year.(hahah, absolutely no link, but who cares cause I simply love these lovely tarts!)& my marks & spencer chocolate chips , I die die wan to buy it ASAP, I am simply missing & craving for them!! They are awesome cookies at affordable & reasonable prices.

沉默中的希望

Today was rather ok. PE was ok, but I am starting to begin to hate the fact that friday PE will be dunno wad physical training, which means I will be all wet & sweaty on my way down to far east.
--------------

Don't really know wad happen between us. Clash of interest, inappropriate usage of words, emotions, rejecting etc................. or probably it was me that's the reason.

Still, I feel that, I am not really deemed appropriate to befriend you sometimes. Cause I just can't find a reason, over why u seems sader whenever after communicating with me( other than those times when I am stupid with my actions & words). While on the otherhand, most people don't do that & that should be the what I considered" correct way" for a friendship.


Probably I was over paranoid or something, but I don't think I am.

友谊如果那么轻易被磨灭, 它就称不上是友情而只是单纯的认清

term 1 week 2 tue mid nite.......

Horrible start. I feel so so drained le. Do I really feel happy in school? Hmmm, probably, chih kiat was right, if I was in another disposition, I would feel even more drained ba. Afterall, although class was not very much of the managable ( with me staring into space during math, daydreaming in biology, making no sense in chemistry & last but not least worrying for china studies during "my own class") , probably the class was enjoyable at times, just enough to keep me alife during class. & the conversation via smses. lols

Tonnes of homework gushing in like tusnami, then there's lecturers after lectures of talks to handle. BTW, china studies is really really "self study" what I call I( YU CHING aka YEW CHENG) teaching himself. The lectures is really really really a sheer waste of time. Sometimes I really wonder - why was I so dumb & naive to think & believe that china studies in english was a subject that was suitable for people with C5 for english. & that econs is only meant for people with B4 & above, when the fact is that I sort of enjoyed listensing & reading econs related stuffs.

Enough complains for now, at least I will wrap off this hectic week with a wedding dinner from my cousin :) ^^. Shark's fin, yam paste my all time favourites . haha & I can do 1 pull up le !!! Yeh ! I broke the egg.

快乐才是成功

110110 - counting down

I am sort of dreading tommorrow 110110. But, life still goes on....... It's an utterly depressing fact that, I with my limited ability, can't change it. The road ahead is definately going to be though, now it's a matter of how rocky it would be and how adaptable I am going to be.

Holiday's over...... I wish that this year's holiday was longer, afterall it was probably one of the best I've ever had.

I am praying sincerely that the next 4 terms ahead will be smooth one, especially the last term.

脚踏实地,希望明天会更好

1st Post for the year. Wonder which word should I use to describe, " exciting" or "tiring" year ahead?

Had been a bit busy recently. But I am glad that, I was given this "busy chance", for if not I would still be in the dark.

School's starting in like 3 days time & my homework is like zzzzzzzzz.......

一言惊醒梦中人

Last post for 2009

3+ hours more, and the clock will strike 12 mid-night, drawing an end to this irregular chapter. Hope that, next year would be a better one, a smoother one, a more enjoyable one, and more importantly a fruitful one.

2010 There's a dream, a mission, a challenge, a barrier and a exam waiting for me to fullfill, accomplish, tackle, overcome and complete..............................


希望明年会更好. 百尺竿头,更上一层楼

感恩三世诸佛,一年来的加持



My wish for 2010

- Be able to obtain a presentable A level cert
- Chinese & PW will be something pleasing to my eye
- Able to enter my dream course in uni
- Calm down
- Attend a Buddha consecration ceremony
- Perhaps excersie more
- Get more organized & efficient
- Have a nice year end trip overseas

Yr 2009 Part 3

January
- “O” level release
- Malaysia shopping
- Lots of considerations, dilemma, choosing, postings

Feburary
- 2nd Feb. first day of JC life….. (Seriously I was abit lost back then…..)
- Stellar Evolution, Orientation theme. I should have enjoyed it, but somehow I wasn’t really in the mood back then. Can’t blame anything. The sequence of events, took me by surprise.

March
- First CIP at YMCA
- Horribly packed holiday

April
- HSK, the cert would have been nicer, if my photo was there. Lols

May
- No idea what happened.

June
- Viet gang 1st anniversary :)
- My first time going to Malaysia by public transport.
- That “memorable “CIP, that took me weeks to finish. Zzzz haha

July
- Mid year

August
- SPA & more spas, think I flung Chem horribly…….. but it’s over. What is done is done.

September
- Stress & more stress

October
- Promos

November
- Weeks of preparation for PW…….. meanwhile comforting myself that it is ending soon. Haha. Don’t know how bad I will fare but I know I tried my best :)
- Chinese, not much preparation. I felt abit underprepared to a great extend. The rest leave it to heaven’s will. But people out there should know what I have longed for.

December
- Probably the most fruitful holiday ever. But homework wise is abit undone.
- Taiwan trip 4-9th , awesome. I want more eco trips ^^
- Acid Camp
- Pharamacy Camp, not bad J
- Metro SIF at sengkang Compass Point, abit sian

I missed, 4E3

Those times, Shi min helping me with math ,infront of me, fiona joking beside me, Parveen behind me. Jeremy going home with me, chating on the bus trip down Toh Tuck, Ronald & his character, Nicholas & his muggish character, Chih Kiat & Ming Sheng sitting down there quietly, Clive’s jokes that never fail to liven up the atmosphere, lili and her bubbly actions. Mrs Lim & her acidic words. Mrs Ooi & her, I repeat again. Mdm Teoh & her always big geographical actions. Miss Tan & her Chinese lessons.

Viet gang
The days in Vietnam, shopping, sightseeing, haggling, eating etc…. Enjoyable & memorable.
These were the innocent days, where stress and its effects were considered mild.

喧闹的都市中,一切早一尘埃落定.
今年不是没有后悔,但我知道我以尽力了

It really sets me thinking....................
Marriage - blissful union, or a spell for disaster.

Yr 2009 part 2

There’s something I have been doing throughout this year – rejecting, declining and turning down people. Be it 4E3 gatherings, 09s02 outing, AMS outing, Wen Xin’s cum Jeremy gatherings, Ronald’s meetings, Chih Kiat's request, my mum request to go out with her, wedding invitations etc……..

I have rejected all sorts of things to that extend that I feel quite awkward and pai seh nowadays.
Am I really like out of time? Perhaps yes or rather things, incidents, request and events always comes clashing together, to the extent that sometimes I don’t really know how to choose between where I should be. On top of that, prioritizing PW seems to make things worse. Sometimes I really wished to have been able to meet & catch up with KH, Jeremy & Ronald more frequently. But things usually don’t really go according to my will.

Perhaps, give & take that will be the answer to the various choices in life...........................

近善近美,有时还真难

Yr 2009 part 1

今年这一切的一切,大致上就和作文里写的一样,”并非一言两语或笔墨所能表达的”. 但毕竟经一事长一智,这一大堆我心中所谓的结数,让我体会了很多,领悟了不少 --亲情的无价, 友情的可贵.

人生,起浮不定,跌到了就要懂得如何让自己再趴起来.因为如果没有这样做, 谁也救不了自己. 唯有靠自己的意志与决心,才可能为自身创造奇迹,让天上的乌云散去,盼到那道曙光.

从年头被那个突如其来的巨浪打翻后,掉入了一个无底洞, 难免无法接受这个残酷的事实.失落难耐, 但更痛的是不能将自己的神色表露. 可能是太爱面子,我就是不想让人看到我内心深处的一面.但是可能是打击真的太大了, 我最终于忍不住 _ 了.当时不知为何, 我很怕, 很伤心. 可是回家后,我只能当作这一切都没发生过.幸好, 家里风平浪静, 否则我真的是不知如何是好 ...................

最终,打了个湾,回到了原点.起先还真的像只无头苍蝇乱撞,也不太喜欢自己所身处的环境. 但可能是”日久生情”,我开始容入周遭的一切,开始领悟其中真谛.

“一切的一切, 早以有了属于它的归宿. 冥冥中一切, 早以有了属于它的定数. 与其怨天尤人,不如好好珍惜眼前当下, 因为日后想想,上天的安排不只是考验或巧合,而是富于原因的.”

P.s wrote this out during phramacy camp, inside the hostel, a good place to reflect & ponder. Part 2 will be out after i finish my draft 2 haha

Holidays

It's been quite sometime since my last post.

Was in taiwan from 4- 9th december, then went acid camp from 11- 13 december and my sort of vacation from homework was wrapped up with NUS Xperience pharmacy camp.

Taiwan trip,although it was my 2nd trip there, with chih kiat, mdm teo and the group was awesome & memorable. I cant call it a shopping trip, but somewhat it is like one. Nonetheless there's eco parts also, with journeys up & down the hills to dye cloths ourselves with natural blue dye, going to geo areas of Yeliu, visiting charcoal meuseum to learn more about charcoal making & its beneficial properties, roaming through a orchid nursey viewing various kinds of orchids & got a catus as gift :) and lastly organic farms with passionate farmers striving to make a difference with thier organic products. Then those marvellous shopping areas, ximending, shihlin,damshui,Shengkeng tofu street,Taipei 101 etc...................which we refused to part with. China airlines was not as bad as I thought, service was okay,other than the confusing TV spoil part, take offs & landings were ultra smooth (probably the smoothest I have ever had!).But food served on board was rather bad. curry fish rice there, and soya fish rice back............ make me pukish. lols. Overall, trip was fun , enjoyable & successful :)

Acid camp 09, half the 09S02 was there, with some 4E3 people. Decided to be late, because I was rather tired from the taiwan trip.My role as a station master for cups & stacks and ball & dunno wat, was okay. Decided to MIA for first nite, by going back home to rest. 2nd nite was simply fun. Mass dance, everyone was crazy. People possessed LOLs. Everyone was like going all out to have fun :) Was carried up in the air. haha

NUS Xperience pharmacy camp, was enjoyable for me. Apex- thats my group 1 , which is also my group. Thee leactures was abit dry, but informative. The lab seesions were really fun and a brand new exposure. Made our own medicine !! YEAH! Charcoal pills, cream, medicine syrup. Cool :) but sadly we were not able to keep those medicine made. Games were also different from what we played in normal games. The OGLs must have put in lots of effort ^^. Accomodation was at Ridge View Residents, nus hostel. One person per room, room was small & very very dusty. Had flu on the second day, took medcine , and ended up being drowsy. The certificate was so proffesional & nice . Overall the experince was an intersting one :)

Apologies for knocking off like a dead pig and not being able to wake up and open the door.

Alrights, thats more or less for my holidays. Photos another day perhaps. Currently doing my relections and summary for the year. Left with lots of undone homework.

如果可以,我希望从新来过......

我脑海里浮现了一个问题.

我是否变了?

Har chooooooo ................ sneezing like siao ytd. Today, I am really feeling sick le. Went to see doctor, and was prescribed with antibiotics. Hope that I will be absolutely well and fine this coming friday & I don't fall ill at TW. That's the last thing I want- to be sick on fri or in TW.

Slept almost throughout today le. sneezy..........

身心安康

Just got back my restringed braclet. $5 , so ex, but its worth it. :)

破镜重原

Very long didnt blog le.

Holidays start le :)
Is nice to be in the holiday mood, & the pace of life is much slower. At least there's time for me to notice my surroundings and savour cum catch up with some free time, which I seriously missed this year.But still must finish the part & parcel of holidays- HW.

The few weeks ahead would be packed with activities. Hope that it will be enjoyable, fun & perhaps helpful :)

朋友一身一起走,那些日子不在有.

Just came back from Singapore expo. Food Fair & John Little sale.

Brought food & lots of food. But there's slightly less people today, over at the expo compared to previous food fairs. Therefore, the shoping experience was a more enjoyable one. As usual, ate tonnes of stuffs & I get to drink 李爱玉 at only $1 hahah.

Brought a jacket, a shirt and............. over at john little. Took me 0.45 hrs to quee up, just to foot the bill. zzzzz. They ought to improve on this. If not, the walk around the sale premise is a "fruitful" one, if only my mum can stay there longer, I would have gained more from that "area filled with bargains"hahah

终点

Last day of JC1. It's like finally hahaha. 1 year le. It was a bad or rather miserable start, but ending is still manageable ba.

Went for immunization justnow. It's like making me feel so sick now. Sneezing & ccoughing like crazy.

阴差阳错

There's this strong sense of holiday mood in me, that I don't want school tomorrow!!!!!!

Haizzzzzzzzzzzzz but, the fact is that there's still school & I can do absouletly nothing about it. HW not done & stuffs. sianzzz

Brought the plants for PW room, felt that they look so so so like fake de. lols

完结片

Had ACID camp briefing ytd. Before that, I was rather irritated, lols, because I actually intended to reach at 3pm. heheh

Anyway, acid was ok. Afterall, it was my second time there, so I was used to it le. When the thing ended, I actually stepped on a snail & killed it, can't believe it, but I still acidentally did it. Then went cash converters, a messy store, but if you know how to dig, you can actually get quite some stuffs out of it de.

Feeling abit, cash strapped recently & on top of that, I am like totally in that holiday mood le, don't feel like touching any more school stuffs le.

20th nov, 5 more days. It's worth calling for a celebration. 1 year passed le, I have gained quite alot, but still I missed those times.

Taiwan trip :) looking forward to it :) Take it as a break that I deserve.

智慧花开, 莲开上品